


Amortentia

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-06
Updated: 2006-02-27
Packaged: 2019-01-19 17:10:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12414420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: What does Amortentia smell like? For some people at Hogwarts it smells like love, lavender, and leather.  MWPP era. JamesLily Seventh Year COMPLETE





	1. Might I have some gum?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

_Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not my own, it is J.K. Rowling's_   
**_Chapter 1- Might I have some gum?_ **

“Today, we will be doing something a little different,”� said Professor Slughorn, looking at the seventh year Advanced Potions class.

“Yesterday, I completed the brewing of a very complex potion, its use is carefully monitored,”� he continued, motioning towards the cauldron sitting on the table in the middle of the room.

“Would anyone care to take a guess at which potion this is?”� No one raised their hand.

It was clear that many students had been up late, either celebrating that Gryffindor had won the previous days Quidditch match or grumbling amongst their housemates at the misfortune of the Slytherin team. Lack of a volunteer did not dissuade Horace Slughorn, he simply picked a student, always the same way of deciding who to choose. He glanced down at his class list, and chose the first name that came into focus, today it was Sirius Black.

“Mr. Black, tell me young man, which potion is this?”� Slughorn said, looking up to find Sirius was not sitting in his seat paying attention. Rather his head was propped on his hand, eyes closed, jaw slack. Lily Evans nudged Sirius, causing his arm to drop from under him.

“No mind,”� said Slughorn with a small smile. He did after all remember what it was like to have celebrated a glorious victory, and could only imagine how Sirius had partied, being one of the stars of the team.

“Amortentia,”� said Slughorn loudly, gaining the immediate attention of the entire class.

“Amortentia as you will all know is the most powerful of all love potions. Its smell is different to each person, depending on what attracts you. I, for example can smell, among other things, Rosmerta’s mulled mead, and crystallized pineapple. What I would like for each of you to do as homework is, write about what you smell, and why, if you know. What you write will be kept in strictest confidence. All smells are not related to romantic love, contrary to popular belief. If I take a very deep breath of Amortentia, I catch a whiff of the way that my favorite grandmother’s house smelled. I am giving you two weeks to complete this assignment, because it may take you some time to identify the smells, and to find their significance to you. Now, if each of you will come forward, pick up a cotton ball, and dip it briefly into the potion. This will allow you to smell the potion, but will not give you enough to give to another student in an attempt to create the feelings of love.”�

After everyone had returned to their seats, Professor Slughorn encouraged them to begin the assignment by taking notes about what smells they noticed.

**_Sirius Black_ **

Sirius put the cotton ball to his nose, and breathed in deeply. The first smell he picked up on was a smell that he thought smelled very clean, a smell that was comforting to him. He knew that this smell was one that was quite familiar to him; he just couldn’t place its origin. The next smell was not such a clean smell, far from it. It was the smell of roasted tires, a smell that lingers in one’s nose, which you must either love or hate. That was because of his beloved motorbike, most prized of Sirius’ possessions. There were other smells, but Sirius became so wrapped up in thoughts of his motorbike, and wondering at the first smell, he really didn’t care to investigate them further.

**_James Potter_ **

James did not want to do this homework, he was tired, exhausted even, he was glad that this was the last class of the day. James had somehow drug through all of his other classes. Sirius was already working on the assignment. James didn’t know how. Sirius, always the life of the party whether there actually was a party or not, had sang, danced, imitated the Slytherin keeper falling off his broom to dodge a well aimed bludger no less than twelve times, drank almost a quart of butterbeer and had downed several shots of firewhiskey at the celebration last night. James had been much calmer during the festivities for once not joining in Sirius’ excessive merrymaking, and instead sat in a large chair near the fire, talking with Lily, Head Girl and object of his affections. They had stayed up quite late talking, each drinking their fair share of butterbeer. When they had finally gone to bed it was well past four. James noticed Professor Slughorn watching him, and decided to at least look like he was working on his assignment. Besides, he was Head Boy and should try to be a role model. Right? James smelled of the fluffy white ball. It smelled good. So he wrote that down. The person next to him snickered.

**_Remus Lupin_ **

“It smells good? What an astute observation James,”� Remus said with a laugh.

Remus noticed James trying to look at his parchment. He moved his paper to hide it from view. Remus looked at what he had written. He had chocolate, lemonade, and had drawn a small question mark. Remus knew what the question mark stood for, but he wasn’t going to write it down just yet, not when he knew James and Sirius were going to snoop to find out what he had written. There should be some fun in this after all.

**_Lily Evans_ **

Lily had not been paying attention to the three boys sitting at the table with her. Her eyes were closed, a smile was on her lips, and she was reveling in the scent of the Amortentia. She could smell Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum. The smell was so intense that she could taste the sweet blue gum in her mouth. ‘Funny, I’ve never really been that fond of chewing Drooble’s,’ Lily thought. In fact, she hadn’t chewed Drooble’s since early in sixth year. She suddenly found herself wishing she had a piece of gum. She opened her eyes and looked up. Class was over, and everyone was leaving.

“Coming Lily? Let’s grab a bite in the Great Hall, and then head up to the tower and crash,”� said Remus stifling a yawn.

Lily didn’t know why Remus was so tired. She had hardly seen him the night before. He hadn’t been with she and James, and he most certainly hadn’t been with Sirius chugging butterbeer and singing raucously. Lily quickly put her things in her bag as James, Sirius, and Remus waited on her. She trotted to the door that Sirius was holding open.

“Does anyone have a piece of gum?”� Lily asked hopefully.

Remus shook his head. Sirius opened his school bag, while James reached into one of the pockets of his robes. Seconds later James pulled out a small drawstring bag of Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum.

“Here Lily,”� said James, offering her the bag, “I know it’s not your favorite, but it is mine, so it’s all I’ve got.”�

“Actually, I wanted Drooble’s,”� she said as she took the pouch from him. Soon a trail of blue bubbles followed the group down the corridor.

_Author's Note: This is for power-of-the-lightning-bolt, who wanted to read more. Thanks for giving me the courage to post! To everyone else, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Tynwfiel_


	2. Can you taste it?

_Chapter 2- Can you taste it?_

**Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling or entities associated with her.**

The next evening in the Gryffindor common room, Lily Evans and Remus Lupin sat on a couch by the fire.  With their quills in hand, parchment at the ready, and two fluffy white cotton balls on the cushion between them. James Potter and Sirius Black were lying on their stomachs on the rug between the couch and the hearth playing a spirited game of exploding snap. Peter Pettigrew was reading his Care of Magical Creatures book for homework in a chair nearby. In the other two chairs that were close at hand, looking at the newest issue of _Glam Witch!_ were Dorcas Meadows and Marlene McKinnon, best friends and seventh year students. The fire and the snap cards were both popping, as the seventh years enjoyed the best spot in the common room.

“Moony, Lily, I don’t see how you’re doing the Potions homework already,”� said Sirius looking up from the game of Exploding Snap with soot marks on his nose and cheek.

The clock on the wall struck ten.  James and Lily both rose dutifully.  Lily packed her things away and dropped her bag by the couch.  She placed the cotton ball in her pocket.

“Well it’s off to make the rounds,”� said James, “and maybe to take some points away from the Slytherins,”� he added in a whisper to Sirius with a wink.

James and Lily climbed out of the portrait hole, and began what was sure to be several boring hours of patrolling the corridors. In two and a half hours Lily and James had caught a fifth year Slytherin sneaking around (James had taken thirty-five points away for it), and had happened upon a seventh year Ravenclaw snogging his sixth year Hufflepuff girlfriend (each had lost twenty house points). They were on the seventh floor, making their way back to Gryffindor tower, when James noticed Lily smelling her Amortentia soaked cotton ball.

“So what do you smell,”� he asked as they stepped back through the opening concealed by the portrait of the Fat Lady, and into the common room.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me,”� Lily said, a spark in her eye from the challenge she had laid down.

“Fair enough, I’ll even go first. For every one I tell you, you have to tell me one,”� James said. He held his hand out for the cotton ball. James took a deep whiff of the Amortentia. He knew the each of the scents that entered his nostrils and then filled his lungs.

“Well James, what do you smell?”� Lily questioned.

“I smell peppermint. You know like candy canes and those flat circle candies with the little swirlies,”� he answered her.

“Why?’ Lily asked, as she thought of the handful of peppermint disks that were always in the pocket of her school bag.

“Nope, that’s not part of the deal. Your turn,”� James said, handing Lily the puffy white sphere back.  Lily didn’t need to smell it again to answer him.  She picked one of the scents that she had first identified.

“Drooble’s gum... I can smell it so strongly that… that I can taste it. That’s why I asked for a piece of gum after Potions yesterday.”�

Lily averted her eyes from James, focusing on one of the bluebell colored bubbles that seemed to always float near the ceiling in the Gryffindor common room. James swallowed hard, and in the process, swallowed the piece of Drooble’s that he was currently chewing. He ran a hand through his hair nervously.

He had known from the second that he first saw Lily Evans that he would love her until the day he died. Sirius and Remus thought that he was exaggerating at eleven, but now at seventeen they believed him. It was one of those things that you just know, or at least James Potter just knew it. Lily had pushed him away for six long years, now was she finally going to realize what he had realized so long ago? After all, Amortentia didn’t lie, and James was known for chewing Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum, just as Lily was known for her fondness of peppermint candies.

“Um, what say we continue this tomorrow? It’s awfully late,”� James said his voice low and uncertain. Lily nodded in agreement.

As she picked up her bag to go upstairs, she reached into the pocket on the front of her school bag. She tossed a peppermint candy towards James, as she said his name. He caught it deftly even in the low light of the common room, his reflexes and hand-eye coordination honed from years of Quidditch playing.

“Can you taste it,”� she asked James before he had the chance to unwrap the sweet.

He nodded his head and whispered the word yes.  Then they descended their respective staircases, to ponder on what had just happened.

**_Author’s Note:  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, as short as it was._ **


	3. What does Quidditch smell like?

_Chapter 3-What does Quidditch smell like?_

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling or entities associated with her.**

Lily arrived in a dark and quiet dormitory.  James arrived to a much different scene.  Peter’s bed hangings were pulled shut and soft snores could be heard from behind the curtains.  Sirius was sitting on his bed, legs outstretched, his back propped up by many pillows.  Remus was lying on his bed, his arms underneath his head.  

“Prongs, Padfoot and I were just discussing Potions.  What do you smell in Amortentia?”� Remus asked.  James knew even in the low light of the room that his friends were grinning, awaiting his answer.

“That’s easy Moony.  What I smell is… none of your bloody business mate,”� James replied, laughing and chucking a pillow at Remus.

“Now Prongs, you know the rules.  We told, now you have to as well,”� said Sirius.

“Not if you don’t tell me what you both smell, I don’t,”� James told him.  

The three boys had done this since their first year.  One would ask a question, and then if one answered, the other two answered as well.  Peter had never joined in the game, though the others didn’t know why.  He was afraid they wouldn’t like him if he didn’t give the response they wanted, Peter depended on the acceptance and friendship of the other three boys.  James, Sirius, and Remus knew that they would never turn against each other because of what was said, Peter however could never understand that type of friendship. Friendship with out limits or strings, with out bias or prejudice.  A friendship that asked for nothing more than loyalty, trust, and honesty.  It was more than a friendship.  It was a brotherhood, for James and Remus who had no brothers, and for Sirius who might as well have not had a brother.  They had banded together, and had then taken Peter in.  In first year, he had little magical talent, was short, pudgy, and very homesick.  They were like older brothers to him, although he was only a few months younger than they.

“My motorbike, burned rubber to be specific, something that I’m not really sure of what it is, but it smells clean, butterbeer, and a girl’s smell, like perfume or something,”� said Sirius.

“A girl’s smell?  Something that smells clean?  Wow, those are very specific Padfoot,”� said James. 

“I can smell them very well Prongs, I just haven’t identified them yet,”� said Sirius.

“Moony, you’re up.”�

“Chocolate, lemonade, toothpaste, and lavender,”� Remus ticked off his list.

“James if you can’t distinguish all of the smells yet, it’s okay.  You know we, I especially, have a much keener sense of smell than you.  Did you know canines have heightened senses of hearing and smell, and excellent low light vision,”� Remus said after James had sat quietly for a few minutes.

“I’ll have you know that I have excellent animal instincts as well.  There is nothing wrong with my hearing, vision, or sense of smell,”� James replied, pushing his glasses back up on his nose.

Remus and Sirius belted out bark like laughs.  They knew how to get James going.

“Alright, I smell Quidditch, my broomstick, and Lily. G’night.”�  With that James rolled over as if to go to sleep, a wide smile plastered on his face.

“Nope Prongs.  Not yet you don’t.  Lily Evans is not a smell, and neither is Quidditch.  Explain,”� said Sirius.

James knew that Sirius and Remus would hate the ambiguity of his answer.  It was sure to have perplexed them, well Sirius at least.  Remus probably wasn’t too fussed about it.  This gave James exactly what he wanted, an audience whose attention he held raptly. He was once again lying on his back, now propped up on his elbows.

“Lily is not a smell, but there are smells that are very much Lily.  She smells like peppermint and peaches.  And Padfoot you of all people should know that there are very distinct smells to Quidditch, the leather of the Quaffle, the iron of the Bludgers, the crisp smell of the air when you’re flying that high, the smell of just being inside the pitch.  You know the smell of Quidditch, Padfoot.”�  This being said James lay back down, and quickly fell asleep.  He first dreamt of playing Quidditch with peppermint Quaffles, and then of flying with Lily, the scent of peaches all around them.

**_Author’s Note:  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  It is always appreciated._ **


	4. How else would you know?

**Chapter 4- How else would you know?**

_Disclaimer:  Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her._

The next morning Lily rose early, showered, dressed, and went to breakfast.  The Gryffindor table was almost empty.  Some first and second years were seated here and there, but very few students in older years.  Among the older students scattered about, was James Potter eating his breakfast of porridge and kippers alone.  Lily sat next to him and filled her plate with toast, eggs, and bacon.  They ate in silence until James could bear it no longer.

“Fleetwood’s High-Finish Handle Polish,”� James blurted out.

“What?”� Lily said a confused look on her face.

“I smell Fleetwood’s High-Finish Handle Polish.  In the Amortentia, you know,”� he said quickly.

“Oh, I understand now.  You caught me off guard. Um, I guess that means I have to tell you one as well,”� Lily replied.  James nodded, taking a drink of his orange juice.

“I smell um, don’t laugh, I smell new ink,”� she said, and quickly looked down at her plate, feeling her face go red.  She felt very silly.  How bookish and dull, what type of person smelled new ink she thought to herself.

“Why would I laugh?”� James asked.

“I don’t know, it just sounds very silly to me.  One of the smells that attracts me the most is the smell of a bottle full of new ink.  How unexciting can one be? I am such a swot, this just proves it.”�

“You are not a swot, and there is nothing wrong with the smell of ink.  I like the smell of broomstick polish for crying out loud.  Broomstick polish, Lily!”� James said. 

Lily raised her head a bit and glanced over at James.  He noticed that her eyes looked very watery, as if she were about to cry. James gave Lily a bright smile, and as she smiled back her eyes crinkled shut and a tear leaked down her cheek.  James couldn’t help himself.  He reached up and wiped the tear away with his thumb.

“Prongs, Prongs! I found it!”� 

Sirius was running though the Great Hall at break neck speed towards Lily and James, holding one of his school robes high in the air. James turned his eyes away from Lily, and gave Sirius an angry glare.

“You found your robe Padfoot?  Why I didn’t know you had lost it.  I am ever so proud,”� James said edgily.

“Cheeky this morning aren’t we Prongs? I found out what the clean smell was.  Here, take a whiff,”� Sirius said sitting down and holding the robe towards James’ nose.

James smelled it, shook his head, and shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s my laundry.  Your mum had the house elves do our wash before we left.  It’s the detergent your mum has them use.  I was searching for a clean robe, and when I checked this one I realized what it was,”� explained Sirius.

“Checked?  What do you mean by checked your robe,”� asked Lily, who was clearly puzzled.

“You know you have to smell clothes to see if it’s the clean pile or the dirty pile,”� Sirius replied matter of factly. “How else would you know if they’re clean,”� he asked noticing Lily’s look of slight disgust.

“You put the dirty clothes in the hamper and the house elves bring them back clean,”� Lily said very slowly, as if she were explaining something difficult to a child.  “Do all boys smell their clothes, or is it just you Sirius,”� she asked.

“Not all boys,”� Remus answered, joining the others at the table.

“Here’s my theory,”� began Sirius, “if you only have the elves do your laundry when everything is dirty they don’t have to wash your clothes so much.”�  James and Remus laughed and shook their heads.  Sirius had been struck by this epiphany during their first year. 

“Sirius they wash the same amount either way.  They just wash less at one time, if they do it regularly,”� Lily replied.  Sirius shook his head.

“Lily, we’ve tried to tell him that, it’s no use,”� said Remus.

“That is kyarny Sirius,”� Lily said as she left the table to head to her first lesson.

Fifteen minutes later, the boys had joined Lily on the third floor for Charms.  Professor Flitwick had them practicing Human Invisibility Charms again, since it seemed that many students hadn’t grasped the concept.  Lily and Remus were the first to master the charms, and were now watching James and Sirius’ attempts.

“Lily, what does keyanry mean,”� James asked.

“What does what mean, James?  Oh kyarny, not keyanry. Key-ar-nee, kyarny.  It means nasty, really nasty.  It’s a word my mum, my aunt, and my gran use.  Can’t believe you lot hadn’t heard that before.”�

That evening as Lily and James made their rounds they heard a noise from a seldom used side hallway.  With a gleam in his eye, James jumped around the corner to catch a rule breaker.  He was hoping for it to be a Slytherin or the arrogant Amos Diggory, who had been chasing after Lily lately. He was in luck, there were two of them.  Now to find out who they were.

“Ha! Please raise your wand hands over your heads, and step into the light,”� James said.

“Moony?  What are you doing down here?”� James was astonished to have caught one of his best mates sneaking around.  

Sirius and Remus always told him if they planned to sneak out while he and Lily were patrolling.  James looked over Remus’ left shoulder to see who was with him, and could plainly see a very scared looking girl.

“Kitchens, I hope,”� said James solemnly.  He knew that he would have to take points from Remus and the girl, whom he now recognized as a sixth year Gryffindor named Katherine Tarbeck.  

“Yes, tonight they have an excellent treacle tart, a great chocolate cake, and a cheesecake that is, well beyond words.  That is if you want to stop by Prongs.  Now, I believe that Katherine and I are going to lose some house points, you must be fair James,”� said Remus.

“Yes, yes.  That’s got to be twenty points a piece, right Lily,”� James said looking over his shoulder at her.

“No James, I think twenty should do it, twenty all together.  Now I’m sure you will both head immediately to the common room,”� she said.  With a nod to James and a single thanks to Lily from Remus and several thank yous to each from Katherine, they were off at a quick pace.

“Thanks Lily.  I hated taking points from Remus, but I really can’t play favorites.  I’m glad you cut them some slack,”� James said as he stepped back onto the main hall.

“You don’t have to thank me James.  I did it because you were willing to give your friend the same treatment and the same punishment that you would have anyone else.  I think that was very admirable,”� she said.  James stopped to look at Lily, a silly grin on his face.

“You really think that was admirable?”�

“Yes, I do.”�

“Thanks again though.”�

“If you really want to thank me, I wouldn’t mind a trip to the kitchens. I’ve never been to the kitchens, and I am quite fond of cheesecake.”�

Lily and James walked quietly down the corridor.  When they got to the painting of the bowl of fruit, James showed Lily where to tickle the pear to open the doorway.  James seemed to know each house elf by name, Lily noticed.  He asked an elf that was nearly as wide as it was tall to bring a slice of cheesecake and some treacle tart.  They sat down at a small table near the fireplace to eat their desserts.

“Is Remus seeing that sixth year, Katherine?”�

“I don’t know,”� said James “looks like it.”�  He suddenly noticed what appeared to be a hurt look in her eyes at his words.  James stomach fell.  He could feel the treacle tart rising in his stomach, he fought to keep it down.  Lily liked Remus, not him.

“Fancy Remus?”�  James was a glutton for punishment, and he knew it.

“Me like Remus?”� she laughed, “no, I don’t fancy Remus.”�

“Is there anyone that you do fancy?”�

“Maybe”� 

“Keeping secrets, are we?”�

“No, I’m not keeping secrets.  I’m just not answering your question.”�  Lily said.  She then took another bite of her cheesecake, which was a Remus had said, beyond words.  Lily had to admit to herself that the company was nearly as enjoyable as the cheesecake.

**_Author’s Note:  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  I hope you enjoyed.  Kyarny is a real word used by those in Appalachia.  The heritage of those from Appalachia stems mainly from the Scots and Irish, so I can see red-haired Lily knowing it.  Until the next installment! ~T_ **


	5. Do you trust me?

**_Chapter 5- Do you trust me?_ **

**Disclaimer:  Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her.**

Remus had been rather surprised at Lily’s reaction when catching him out with Katherine.  He had been more surprised at James’ reaction.  He had known that James would take house points, that didn’t shock Remus in the least.  Remus hadn’t told James or Sirius that he had been seeing Katherine Tarbeck.  Remus, James, and Sirius shared everything.  Remus didn’t know why he hadn’t told them, Sirius had been trying to set Remus up with various girls for years.  They would be happy for him, but in the back of his mind he knew the reason that he hadn’t told his two best friends.  Once he said it out loud, it would make their relationship much more real.  Then he would think about his lycanthropy and its affect on his relationship with Katherine.  He would feel guilty.  Then he would end things with her, and Remus did not want to end things.  Not yet.

 

After he had told Katherine good night, he sat in the common room in front of the dying fire.  Watching the softly glowing embers, he thought about what he would tell Sirius and James.  He worried that they may feel betrayed by him, and that they would take it as a lack of trust in them. Then he reassured himself that James and Sirius would understand, they wouldn’t be mad at him.  The voice in Remus’ head did not sound very heartening.  The sound of Lily and James’ approaching footsteps was Remus’ cue to head up to his dormitory.  He was on the seventh step when they entered the common room.

 

“Lily, just tell me who it is you fancy.”�

“Now James you know it’s you.  Why what girl in Hogwarts isn’t head over heels about the famous Quidditch star and leader of the infamous Marauders, James Potter?”�  Remus could hear the sugary sweet sarcasm in Lily’s voice.  

“Funny, Evans.  I’ll find out, you just wait and see.”�

 

Remus crouched down so he could see into the common room.  James’ face was red from frustration, his jaw set, and his inky black hair extremely messy.  Remus saw Lily lean up on her tip toes to kiss James lightly on the cheek, then she headed up to her room.  James’ eyes followed Lily to the stairs and watched as she disappeared into the dark stairwell. He placed his hand on the spot where Lily’s lips had brushed his face.  With a triumphant grin, Remus snuck noiselessly up the remaining stairs.

 

Five minutes after Remus had gotten into his bed, James came into the dormitory, his hand still on his cheek.  Upon seeing Remus he snapped back into reality.

 

“Remus, do you have a relationship that you need to tell Sirius and I about?”�

“Oh, I’m game for this Prongs.  I’m seeing Katherine, have been for the last two weeks.”�

“Why didn’t you tell me,”� James and Sirius both blurted out.

“Oh no, you don’t James.  Now, it’s your turn to talk.  Do you have a relationship you haven’t told us about,”� Remus countered.

“No, I’m not with anyone.”�

“Really?  Is that a bit of lipstick on your cheek,”� Remus teased.

“Lily didn’t wear lipstick tonight,”� the words were out before James could stop them.

Sirius, who had risen up on one elbow lazily when Remus had told about Katherine, was now sitting bolt upright.

“Lily wasn’t wearing lipstick,”� Sirius repeated, a devilish grin on his face.

“No that’s not what I meant Padfoot. Wh-“

“Oh and what else could you have meant?”�  Sirius’ eyes were shinning. 

“Lily and I are not together.  She kissed my cheek okay.  Just friends.”�

“Prongs, you are so thick sometimes,”� Sirius said. 

“Wait one minute, how did this get turned around on me?  Moony’s the one wandering around the castle at night, getting caught.”�  

 

James began wondering how it was that Remus had a girlfriend, and Lily liked him.  No matter what she had said, James knew Lily fancied Remus.  Why didn’t she like James?  He was smart, nice, a good student (even if he did goof off in classes), Quidditch captain, and he was very good looking.  What did Remus have that he didn’t?  James was brooding sulkily.

 

“Sirius, you haven’t answered the question, yet.”�  Remus sensed that James needed a few minutes to cool off.

“Me, date a girl and it be a secret?  You must be joking.  However, I am taking Marlene for a fly on my motorbike this weekend.  Made plans tonight, while you two were out having your sordid little rendezvous with Katherine and Lily.”�

“I was not having a ‘rendezvous’,”� James said.

“And it was not sordid Sirius,”� spoke Remus disgustedly.

“Lily wouldn’t want to be snogging in the halls with me, anyhow.  She fancies someone and won’t tell me his name, but I know who he is.”� James glared at the pile of dirty laundry near Sirius’ bed.  He couldn’t look at Remus right now, and he knew if he looked at Sirius he would be interrogated.  Sirius questioned him anyhow.

“James, if she doesn’t like you why does she spend so much time with you?  She doesn’t have to.  And who do you think she fancies?  The word in the girl’s dorm is that Lily thinks you’re quite fanciable.”�

“Remus.”�

“Yeah, what?”� 

“No, it’s you.  She fancies you.  She looked so upset when she realized you were attached.  She denied it when I asked her.  Then she had the nerve to joke and say she liked me.  She knows I’ve cared about her for years.  Bloody hell, everyone knows that.”�

“Prongs, listen to me.  Lily does not like me.  She wants to be with you.  If you don’t believe me, get her potions homework and read it.  If you want to be with her, let her know.  You won’t be sorry.”�

“Really Moony?”�

“Yes James.”�

“Now Remus,”� began Sirius. “Why didn’t you tell us about Katherine?”�

 

Remus told James and Sirius his reasons for keeping Katherine a secret.  James felt better by the end of Remus’ speech, and began trying to devise a plan to get Lily’s potions essay.  Sirius wanted to go all out, true marauder style.  Remus suggested just asking Lily to read what she had written.  James found himself leaning more towards Remus’ idea than Sirius’.  Remus’ plans usually went better than those of James and Sirius.  He was much more logical and realistic, but when James or Sirius concocted a scheme that succeeded it was much more memorable.  They always included the proverbial bells and whistles.  Sometimes the bells and whistles were not so proverbial.

 

Lily lay in her bed thinking about the hour she had just spent with James.  She couldn’t believe that he thought she fancied Remus.  Remus was a great friend, and boyishly handsome, but he was not what she was looking for.  Lily couldn’t believe how daring she had been just minutes ago.  She had told James that she liked him, and had given him the tiniest peck on the cheek.  She knew that had really sounded sarcastic and joking when she told him that she fancied him, but Lily felt very brave none the less.

 

“Oh, I am such a Gryffindor,”� Lily groaned, burying her face in her pillow.

She heard laughter from Dorcas and Marlene. 

“Lily, this wouldn’t be about James now would it?”�  Dorcas’ soft gilded voice came through the darkened room.

“Of course it is.  He has been chasing after me since we were first years.  Why can’t I just admit the truth to him?”�

“The truth, which part?  Do you mean the truth that you have been pining for him for almost seven years?  Or the truth that you get up early on Quidditch game days, just to be in the Great Hall when he’s having breakfast?”�  Marlene said her voice was thick with sleep.

“Or that she made us help her learn to develop magical pictures in second year, so that she could photograph James when he flies?  Or that she never goes to bed until James has climbed the boy’s stairs?”�

“Lily, he’s mad about you. Just talk to him.  Don’t be such a chicken.”�

“Lily the lion-hearted, that’s me,”� Lily said weakly.

 

Lily tried to work up her courage for the next two days.  In her head she planned what she was going to say to James.  Then he would walk in, and she would simply lose her nerve.  In Lily’s mind he was unreachable, especially for her.  James Potter was intelligent, talented, loved by almost everyone, and so handsome.  He had warm hazel eyes, like pools of syrup, and a strong jaw line. James was tall, but not so tall that he towered over Lily.  He was thin, but muscular.  She hated feeling so flustered in his presence.  In sixth year, she had overcome the embarrassing habit of yelling at James and insulting him whenever they spoke.  She didn’t do this out of dislike or loathing, it just came out of her mouth before she could stop it. 

 

Lily had just had what she hoped would be her last encounter with James for the day.  She had been almost incapable of normal speech, because she was so nervous.  It was just after eight o’clock.  James had gone upstairs about five minutes ago, after the fiasco as Lily was now calling it in her head.  He had asked her if she wanted to meet up with Sirius, Marlene, Remus, Katherine, and himself in Hogsmeade the next afternoon.  Lily remembered making a funny noise, something between a hiccup and a squeal.  James had laughed, and Lily had said that she had to oil her potions scales.

“Um, alright then.  See you,”� he had said before going dejectedly up to the boys’ dormitory.

 

Lily lay her head down on her arms, which were folded on the tabletop. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.  That was your chance to tell him.  Why didn’t I say yes, like I wanted to?  Now, not only am I not going to Hogsmeade with James, I can’t go at all,”� Lily said aloud to herself.

“Maybe you should go to Hogsmeade with me tonight instead,”� Lily heard James’ husky voice low in her ear.  It gave her chills, and made her heart race.

He continued whispering, “Go tell Dorcas and Marlene to leave your dorm window open.  I’ll be waiting right here.”�

Lily didn’t know what came over her.  She walked as calmly as she could manage to the girls stairs, as soon as she thought she was out of sight she began taking the steps two at a time.  When she burst into to the room she shared with Marlene and Dorcas, they were both sitting on the edge of her bed.

 

“You’re not wearing your uniform,”� Marlene said.

“And you had better take your hair out of that ponytail,”� Dorcas finished.

“I don’t have time to dig out anything to wear!  I’ll just…  Wait, how did you two know?”�

“Sirius told me,”� Marlene answered.

“We’re going to leave the window opened, but we’ll be waiting up.”�

“We took the liberty of finding you something to wear.”�

Dorcas tossed Lily a pair of jeans, and a bright blue shirt.  Lily quickly changed.  As soon as she had finished putting on the fresh clothes Marlene pointed her wand at Lily.  Marlene never said a word, but waved her wand.  As she did, Lily’s hair was back in a neat braid.  

“Marlene, you’re the only person I know who learned to do nonverbal beauty spells.  Thanks you two,”� Lily said as she headed towards the door.

“Wait Lily,”� Dorcas cried.  As Lily turned, Dorcas handed her a caramel colored cloak.  

 

Lily slipped it on.  With a nod of approval from the other two girls, she raced down the steps.

James was sitting on the arm of the couch in front of the fireplace.  He was wearing a pair of dark colored khaki pants and a soft yellow shirt that complemented his tan skin well.

 

“Ready,”� Lily asked.

“Let’s go,”� he said, leading the way up to the boy’s dorm.  She followed him cautiously.

Suddenly Lily stopped.

“James, why is the common room empty at eight on a Friday?”�

“Let’s just say it wasn’t easy, but it was well worth the price.”�

“What did you–“   

“Magic, Lily. That’s what I did.”�

 

He opened the door on his right.  Lily looked around the room before entering.  Remus was lying on his stomach on the first bed.  He was writing furiously on a piece of paper.  Lily noticed that he was figuring up several columns.  On the next bed, Sirius was studying a large scrap of parchment.  Peter was sitting in the open window, holding James’ broomstick, and a shimmering cloak.

 

“The coast is clear mate, don’t forget to tell me before you come back so I can check the map,”� Sirius said.

“We’re going to take the order to the Flumes in a bit, should be able to get it all tonight.  I’ll tell them to charge it to your Gringott’s account,”� Remus told James.

“Thanks.  I owe you guys.”�

 

James took the broom from Peter, and stepped through the window onto a small balcony.  He held his hand out to Lily to help her outside.  He mounted his broom, and Lily slid on behind him, wrapping her arms about his waist.  James kicked off smoothly, and Lily held on tighter as they rose into the night sky.  She buried her head into James’ back to keep the cold air off of her face.  She breathed in deeply, drinking in the smell of his cologne.

 

After they had touched down in Hogsmeade, James took Lily for a drink at The Three Broomsticks.  James had some of Madame Rosmerta’s mulled mead, while Lily opted for sweet Elderflower wine.  They sat in a booth and talked for quite a while.  After James paid Rosmerta, he and Lily walked in the moonlight along the deserted cobblestone streets.  In the distance they could hear the clock tower at Hogwarts strike eleven.

 

“We should be heading back I suppose,”� James said.  Lily nodded in agreement.

As they walked back towards The Three Broomsticks, where James had left his broom, Lily broke they silence.

“How did you make sure that the common room would be empty tonight?”�

“Bribery.”�

“You bribed the whole house?”�

“No, not the whole house.  I didn’t have to bribe Marlene, Dorcas, Sirius, Remus, or Peter.”�

“What did you offer them?”�

“Let’s just say that I put in a large order for butterbeer to Rosmerta tonight, and the guys took a nice list to Honeydukes for me,”� James replied with a smile.

“That must have cost you a fortune.  I’ll help you pay for everything,”� Lily offered.

“No you won’t.  Besides I already told you that it was worth every galleon.”�

“Thank you.”� 

 

James had the sudden urge to hold Lily’s hand.  She was sure to pull away, and he would have ruined all of his hard work.  It’s now or never, he told himself.  She didn’t pull away!  She instead closed her small soft fingers around his large rough hand.  James noticed that her hand was quite cold.  He stopped in front of Scrivenshaft’s Quill Shop, and picked two pale pink begonias. He easily transfigured them into a pair of gloves, which he put on Lily’s hands.  They were possibly the softest, warmest, and best fitting gloves that she had ever worn.  James didn’t reach for her hand again as they continued walking.  As they approached the post office, Lily slipped her gloved hand around James’ calloused palm.  He smiled down at her.

 

Lily could feel her heart racing.  What was she doing?  She was in Hogsmeade in the middle of the night with James Potter, and now she was holding his hand.  What if they got caught?  They would be expelled, she wouldn’t be able to return home. What had he gotten her into?  She couldn’t breathe.  This was going to end horribly, Lily just knew it.  

 

“I’m going to get my broom,”� James told her, releasing her hand.  He walked down the side of the building to a small broom shed.

“Are you ready Lily?  I’ll let Sirius know to keep a watch out while we’re on our way back.”�

“James, what if we get caught?”�

“Lily, I have snuck into Hogsmeade more times than I can count, I wouldn’t have done this if I thought there was any chance of getting you in trouble.  All I ask is that you trust me.”�  She didn’t say anything.

“Lily, do you trust me?”� He asked, forcing her to look at him.  His eyes were so full of confidence and caring.  Lily knew that she could trust him with her very life.

“Of course I trust you.”�

“Good.  Now you’ll need to keep us in contact with Sirius on the way back.”�

 

James took a small mirror out of the pocket of his shirt.  He tapped it with his wand and said “Sirius Black”�.  Lily could no longer see the proper reflection, but instead saw Sirius’ handsome face smiling at them.

 

“All clear Prongs,”� Sirius said.

“Lily, hold the mirror until we get back to Hogwarts. Sirius let her know if anything shows up on the map.”�

“Will do mate”�

James mounted the broom, and Lily settled herself behind him once more with the mirror in one hand and her free arm wrapped securely around James.

They were almost back to Gryffindor tower when Lily heard Sirius speak.

“Lily, tell him to come at the tower from Hogsmeade Station, Filch just went out the front doors of the castle.”�

 

She relayed the message to James, and felt him shift the broom to vary their course.  In a matter of minutes, Lily found herself climbing back in the window of her room.  She couldn’t wait to go to Hogsmeade with James again in the morning.

_Author’s Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing.  I hope you enjoyed it._


	6. Is that what you wanted to hear?

**_Chapter 6- Is that what you wanted to hear?_ **

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her.**

Lily awoke much earlier than she would have on a normal Saturday morning.  She had already showered and dressed, and was toweling her hair dry when Marlene finally stirred.  

“Lily, why are you up so early?  It’s not quidditch today, you know,”� Marlene said through hearty yawns.

“No, but it is Hogsmeade.  I’m going with James.”�

Dorcas popped her head out of the bathroom the girls shared.

“Doth mine ears deceive me?  Lily Evans going to Hogsmeade with James Potter?  Giant Squid already taken, eh,”� she said through peals of laughter.

Lily grimaced at the memory of telling James that she would rather date the giant squid than him.  He had deserved it at the time though.  She only hoped he didn’t remember the incident.

 

Lily tossed her towel in the hamper, and headed down to the common room to see if James was up yet.  She didn’t find him there, so she headed down to the Great Hall.  She saw Remus sitting at the far end alone, and went to join him.

“Good morning Remus,”� Lily bubbled sliding onto the bench beside him.  “Where’s James?  He’s usually up by now.”�

“He decided to sleep in since you wouldn’t go to Hogsmeade with him today.”�

“What do you mean,”� Lily asked bewildered.

“Well you told him last night that you wouldn’t go with him to Hogsmeade today, so he decided to just not go.”�

“But I changed my mind.  He has to go Remus.  Surely he knew I wanted to go now.  Of course I really wanted to go with him all along and now…”�

Remus’ laughter stopped Lily’s ramblings.

“If you want to go to Hogsmeade with James just ask him.  I doubt he’d say no”�

Lily thought about what Remus had said for a moment.  She bit at her bottom lip, a nervous habit from childhood.

“Lily dearest, if you’re that hungry why not have some bacon and toast,”� Sirius said as he sat down.

Remus told Sirius what Lily was upset about.  Sirius also encouraged Lily to ask James to Hogsmeade.  She was leery of taking any advice given by Sirius Black, but he was James’ best mate.

Lily didn’t know how her feet had led her to the door of the seventh year Gryffindor boys’ room, but they had.  She had once more been playing scenarios over and over in her mind.  She knocked lightly on the door, it was answered moments later by Peter.

“Is James…”�

“Asleep,”� Peter squeaked, pointing towards the only bed whose hangings were still shut tight.

“Pardon me, I’m going to get some breakfast,”� Peter said slipping past Lily.

Lily hated to wake James, but she hated the thought of not going to Hogsmeade with him even more.  She tiptoed cautiously to his bed, and pulled back the curtains ever so slowly and carefully.  He looked so peaceful.  Looking at him at that moment Lily found it hard to imagine that awake this was one of the most mischievous and disruptive people in the entire school.  His long dark eyelashes touched his cheeks lightly.  His breathing was so steady and even.  The corners of his mouth turned up as if he were having the most glorious dream, Lily wished she could know what it was that made him smile in his sleep like that.  His hair was as unruly as ever.  Lily couldn’t help herself, she had to run her fingers through it.  James’ silky dark hair was every bit as soft as it looked.  Smiling, she looked down at his face once more.  The same euphoric smile was on his lips, but now his hazel eyes were staring up at her.

“Sleep well,”� Lily asked.  James nodded in reply.  “You looked like you were having a good dream, I’m sorry I woke you.”�

“Don’t be,”� he said his voice husky and deep from having just woken up.  “To what do I owe the honor of your presence this morning?”�

“To whom,”� Lily responded.  James looked at her quizzically.

“Remus, oh and Sirius I suppose.  I heard that you’re not going to Hogsmeade today, because some little twit said she wouldn’t go with you.”�

“Well I did get turned down, but I don’t know about her being a twit.”�

“I was hoping that maybe you’d consider going to Hogsmeade with me.”�

“I might,”� he replied.

“Might?  I’ll throw in a butterbeer and something from Honeydukes,”� Lily said, remembering the large bribe James had given to the whole of Gryffindor tower.

“I’ll pass on those thanks, but I’m sure we can work something out.”�

Lily beamed at him

“Well I need to get ready then, since I have a date to Hogsmeade,”� James said as he sat up.

“I’ll meet you in the Great Hall,”� Lily said as she walked to the door.

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll walk you there.”�

 

Much later that day, Sirius and Remus sat beneath a tree at the edge of the lake.  Sirius was waiting on Marlene to change so that he could take her on the motorbike ride he had promised.  Katherine had just left Remus because she had to tutor a second year student in Charms.

 

“Where do you think Prongs and Lily are?  I haven’t seen them since we left Dervish and Banges, that was hours ago,”� Sirius pondered aloud.  Remus didn’t answer, he continued reading his book.

“Moony,”�

“Yes, what is it?”�  Remus was tired of the endless stream of chatter that had poured from Sirius for the past five minutes.

“I was thinking about the Amortentia, and I can’t figure something out.”�

“What would that be Padfoot?”�

“Why do you smell lavender?  Is that what Katherine smells like?”�

Remus rolled his eyes and shut his book.  It was apparent that Sirius was not going to let him read in peace.

“No that is not what Katherine smells like. I smell it because it’s calming.  When I haven’t changed but I feel the wolf welling up inside me, the smell of lavender calms me.  I feel human after I smell it.  I would love to be a normal person once again, and that’s how lavender makes me feel.”�

“Moony, you’re just as normal as me and Prongs.  You just happen to have your furry little problem.”�

“You meant that to be comforting, didn’t you Sirius?”�

 

James landed his broom in the lush manicured grass of the quidditch pitch beside Lily.  She was lying on her back staring up at the sky.

“What’s so interesting,”� James asked, noting the intensity of Lily’s gaze.

“I’m looking for cloud pictures.”�

“Cloud pictures?  What are cloud pictures?”�

“You know how clouds sometimes look like something.  Like that one there looks like a chicken,”� Lily answered, pointing to the left slightly.

James shook his head.

“Lily, I don’t see anything.”�

“You will if you look long enough and hard enough.”�

He lay down beside her.  To James every still and silent minute was an agonizing hour.  He didn’t see how Lily could lie there so patiently waiting to see if she could find a cloud that looked like a plimpy or a camera or whatever.  James wanted to see a shape in the clouds, but he did not want to wait to see it.

“I still don’t see anything.”�   She laughed at his exasperated tone. 

“What else do you smell in the Amortentia?”�

“Happiness and you”� Lily said.

“I smell a well earned victory that is finally won on the quidditch pitch,”� James said.  His words were chosen carefully, having weighed each syllable in his mind.

Lily sat up, and looked at him.

“Quidditch?  You can smell winning a quidditch match,”� she said incredulously.

James sat up, leaning towards her. 

“That is not what I said.”�

“Yes it is, you said a victory on the pitch,”� she stood, towering over him.

“What would you have liked for me to say Lily?  That I smell the way your hair always smells like peaches?  Or the scent of your perfume as it trails down the hall behind you?  Maybe I should have said that I can catch the scent of your robes when you come back from holiday and they’ve been dried in the sun?”�  James had now risen to his feet, and stood so close to Lily that it took her very breath from her. “No?  Oh I should have told you that I can smell the firewhiskey that was on your breath in fifth year at the party when we won the house cup and you kissed me for the first time.  Is that what you wanted to hear?”�

“You don’t really smell all those things, do you?”�

James didn’t answer her, instead he pulled Lily close to him and kissed her, something he had been waiting to do for a very long time.

Lily tensed up as James pulled her to him, but as soon as his lips touched hers she relaxed.  His kiss was warm and inviting.  James marveled at how soft Lily’s lips were.  He put his hand to her cheek, his other arm holding her close to him.  She moved one hand across his strong muscled arm, the other hand ran once more through his already messy black hair.  When they broke apart, Lily breathed in deeply.  It felt like air was filling her lungs for the first time.  

_Author’s Note: Thanks for reading.  I hope you enjoyed.  We have now reached the half way point in this little journey. ~T_


	7. Why didn't you tell me?

**_Chapter 7- Why didn’t you tell me?_ **

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her.**

Sirius shook his hair out.  He had just removed his helmet and placed it on the seat of his motorbike.  He had gone back out for another fly after dinner.  He had thought Marlene would love the ride, she liked broomstick flying.  She had hated it.  He had liked Marlene, too bad.  He wouldn’t be with any woman that couldn’t enjoy flying on his bike.  She had smelled like that girly smell in his Amortentia. Truthfully, he had noticed a lot of girls at school wore that perfume.  Lily was the only one he knew that wore a different scent.  Lily was different though.  That’s why James loved her.  Sirius liked different.  He had strived all of his life to be different.

 

Remus looked back over his potions homework.  He found a few errors here and there, but fixed them with his wand in no time.  Katherine sat down at the table across from him.  He fixed his gaze upon his parchment.

“Katherine, I’m really sorry but…”�

“You’re breaking up with me,”� she finished calmly.  He could tell that she had been expecting this.  Remus said not a word, nor did he meet Katherine’s steady even gaze.  He rose, taking his parchment and wand, and went up to his room.  Try as he might, the guilty feeling had been more than he could bear.

 

James and Lily made the last of their rounds through the dark and quiet castle.  James had been trying to talk Lily into going for a late night snog in the Astronomy Tower.

“James, what if we get caught?  We could get detention. Dumbledore could take our badges.”�

“Live a little Evans.  Who’s going to catch us?  No one’s supposed to be out but us, that’s why _we’re_ making the rounds tonight.”�

The clock struck one.

“Or we could just go back to the common room, lights out was half an hour ago,”� she said.

“But Lily…”� James started.  “Yes you’re right.  We could go back to the common room, much nicer place for a snog than the Astronomy Tower.”�

 

Lily pulled away from James on the couch in front of the fire of Gryffindor common room.  He face was flushed, her lips swollen from his kisses.

“Shh… James did you hear that?”�

“No Lily, It’s your imagination,”� he answered, pulling her close to him once more.

“James, listen, I heard something out side the portrait hole,”� she said, pushing him away slightly.

James sat in an agitated silence.  He rumpled his hair.  Then, he heard something as well.  Someone was outside the entrance to the tower.  He heard a suit of armor clank, as if being knocked over.  James looked at Lily and pressed his finger to his lips, motioning for her to stay quiet.

Wand drawn, James went to the doorway, and slowly pushed the portrait open.

“Prongsy!  Look Moony, its good ole James!  You should have gone with us tonight mate,”� Sirius said loudly.

“Shh… Not so loud Sirius.  We’re supposed to be upstairs.  You’re going to get us caught,”� Remus said in what was meant to be a whisper.

James was holding back a laugh. 

“Went to see Rosmerta, eh?”�

“I had a whole bottle of firewhiskey, and so did Moony.”�

“What’s the occasion?”�

“Women, mate.  You understand,”� answered Remus

“Yeah, it’s just like those times we went drinking with you when Lily would shoot you down,”� Sirius said as he pushed past James into the common room. “Only Marlene didn’ shoot me down.  She just hates my bike, and Remus broke it off with Katherine b’cause of his…”�  Sirius had stopped mid sentence, because he had seen Lily.  Remus slammed into Sirius.

“Padfoot, what’s your prob…  Lily.”�

“Lily, please don’t give them detention, and don’t make me do it either”� James pleaded.

“I know that you two are not drunk.”�

“Oh but we are,”� Sirius said proudly.

“No you are not, because if you had snuck out and gotten drunk tonight I would have to give you both detention and turn you in to McGonagall. Now go to bed.”�

 “Lily, you’re won’erful,”� Sirius said, giving her a kiss before he and Remus tromped up the stairs.

She watched them climb safely up the steps before turning on James.

“How often does this happen?”�

“Rarely? Almost never?”�

“The truth James.”�

“The truth,”� he said sitting back down on the couch, “We’ve snuck out to drink each time that you turned me down.”�

“Why would you do something like that,”� she asked.

“Because I have been so in love with you from the moment I saw you step through the barrier onto Platform 9 ¾, and each time you shot me down I drank until I felt better.  Of course at twelve it was only a few butterbeers, nothing to worry about.”�

“And now?”�

“Firewhiskey or mulled mead.”�

“Why didn’t you tell me,”� she asked.

“Like you would have cared, Lily you hated me from the day we met,”� he said sadly.

Without a word Lily darted up the stairs.  She returned from her room minutes later with a thick well worn book, which she placed in James’ lap.

“No, I never once hated you,”� she said, before kissing James on the forehead and going to bed.

James stayed up for the majority of what was left of the night looking through the book that Lily had given him.  It was full of pictures.  As the pages turned the smiling faces grew up before his very eyes.  One face was featured in more pictures than the rest, his face.  There he was in second year after his first quidditch match, and after loosing the house cup for the first time.  He saw a picture of him with purple hair, complements of Peter and a horribly mixed potion.  There was Marlene after she had died her hair black, she had changed it back days later.  In one Sirius trying to do a handstand on his broom, while James rolled on the ground laughing.  In another Lily was at a Quidditch game.  She was leaning far out on the rail, Dorcas was holding on to the back of her cloak to keep her from falling over the edge.  Lily’s hair was whipping around her face, and she was cheering wildly, her face beaming.  The picture beneath it showed James holding the Quidditch Cup high in the air. He soon reached the end of the book.  The last picture was of him and Lily.  As he watched the photograph move, he realized what it was.  It was at the party in fifth year when they had won the house cup.  Lily was kissing him.  Once the kiss was over, he noticed that Lily looked extremely happy.  He looked stunned, but happy not just happy, ecstatic.

James rose and carried the book up the stairs to his dormitory.  He crept in quietly, expecting his friends to be asleep.  He heard snores from Peter, and a quiet conversation from Sirius and Remus.  They were quite sober now.

“James, we’re sorry,”� Remus said upon seeing James’ solemn face.

“We were out of line,”� Sirius continued.  “Messed things up for you and Lily didn’t we?”�

“No.  Thanks to you drunken gits, I learned a lot about Lily,”� James answered.  He sat down in the floor, his back resting against the footboard of Sirius’ bed.

“If she liked me the whole time, why wouldn’t she ever go out with me,”� James asked.

“Because you were an arrogant little berk,”� Sirius replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“You acted like you were a prize and she should just fall into your arms because you were James Potter.  Hell, she probably thought you were teasing her when you kept asking her out,”� Sirius said to James, knowing full well had anyone else dared to say something like that to James they would have regretted it, because Sirius would have hexed them. James looked at Remus for support.

“He’s right you know.”�

“How could you two let me screw up that badly?”�

“Oh, like I could have stopped you,”� Remus said with a laugh. “Besides Sirius is still a right little berk some days.”�

“That’s a bit rich coming from you Moony,”� Sirius said.

“So you ended it with Katherine?”�  Remus nodded.  “Did she take it okay?”�

“She took it a sight better than I did, I’ll say that.”�

“Obviously, since she didn’t sneak back in the common room smashed.  I thought you liked her,”� James commented.

“I do, that’s why I ended things, before it got too serious.”�

“Lily knows about us sneaking out and drinking,”� James told his friends.  “She said I should have told her before.  What was I going to say, ‘Hey Lily you ripped my heart out, so I got drunk last night’?  I told her I didn’t tell her because she hated me, then she hands me this.”�  He handed the album to Sirius and Remus, it was opened to the last picture.

“Do you remember that night, Moony?  He wouldn’t shut up for days on end,”� Sirius belted out his bark like laugh.  “Damn, she does look happy mate, you both do.”�

“She said that she never hated me.  If she didn’t hate me why did she always turn me down?”�

“No idea, if I could understand women, I’d be the richest wizard in the world,”� Remus answered in a matter of fact tone.

 

Lily lay in her bed feeling horrible.  She had never known how close to his heart James had taken it each time she had said she wouldn’t go out with him.  She had done it to protect herself, to guard her heart.  In the end she had hurt the person that she longed to be closest to.  She had always been a chicken.  She feared breaking the rules or going out on a limb.  She felt that she had gotten what she deserved.

Lily tossed and turned trying to go to sleep.  Thoughts raced through her mind, it wouldn’t slow down.

Finally around five in the morning, she got up and put on her dressing gown.  She went down the girls’ staircase, and back up the boys’ stairwell.  She didn’t knock when she came to the now familiar door of James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter.  Why knock she reasoned, surely they were all asleep in their beds.

The boys were not asleep.  In fact they were very much awake.  Sirius, who was sitting on his bed his tan muscled body clad only in pajama pants, was the first to speak marveling at their intruder.

“Speak of the bloody devil.  James I believe you have a visitor.”�

“Well I am certainly not here to see you Sirius, not after that abysmal firewhiskey laden kiss.”�

“You could be corrected about the quality of my snogging abilities Lily, were it not for James here being my best mate,”� Sirius bantered.  Lily rolled her eyes in response.

“Yeah, I meant to talk to you about that,”� James remarked.

“It was the alcohol,”� Sirius stated firmly.  James nodded with a smirk.

“One would hope,”� Lily quipped.

“Sirius, let’s go to the kitchens.  I’m sure Lily wants to talk to James with out us,”� Remus said.

“Um, Actually I just wanted to apologize for how I treated you all these years James.  I had no idea that it bothered you so badly.  I thought you were teasing me, just someone else to pick on, you know. If I had only known, things would have been so different.”�  With that being said Lily stepped forward to kiss James on the cheek quickly before she left.  His reflexes were faster than she had anticipated, and before she knew it she was wrapped securely in his arms.  He could taste her salty tears of regret through their kiss.


	8. Have you lost your mind?

**_Chapter 8- Have you lost your mind?_ **

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her.**

Katherine approached Sirius later.  Her eyes red rimmed, she asked him what she had done to cause Remus to become disinterested in her so quickly.  Sirius hated dealing with upset girls.  Remus would owe him for this.  How could he explain to her that it wasn’t that Remus didn’t like her, for Remus had talked to Sirius about the situation quite a bit and he knew that Remus fancied the Katherine a great deal.  The only thing that came to Sirius’ mind was something he had heard a teacher once say, honesty is the best policy.  So Sirius was as honest as he could be, while still being discrete.  He told her that Remus had a chronic illness, and worried about it affecting his time with Katherine.  She had looked terrified at first, until Sirius promised her that the illness wasn’t contagious in the least.  She resolved to search Remus out and set things right.  Sirius had been quite surprised when she had come to him.  Girls didn’t come to Sirius like that.  He just didn’t give of the air of someone that was the fountain of human compassion, and most girls were intimidated by Sirius.  James was the one that usually dealt with girls that were heartbroken over one of the Marauders.  He had that friendly, caring, understanding face.  However, James had been preoccupied as of late, which could have explained Katherine’s actions.

 

Lily and James had been inseparable for the past few days.  Had it not been for separate dorm rooms and a few classes that the two didn’t share, some at Hogwarts would have sworn that they had become quite literally attached at the hip (or lips depending on who you asked).  Remus had made a bet with Dorcas on how long it would be before either James or Lily would lose their temper with the other.  By the end of the second day, both had lost.  It wasn’t that they didn’t have faith in their friends’ ability to have a successful relationship.  Both knew that James and Lily had a talent for pushing one another’s buttons.  

 

Remus was in the library doing research for an Ancient Runes paper when Katherine found him.  He looked at her quizzically for a few minutes before she found the courage to speak.  When she did Remus’ stomach which had been full of butterflies was positively in his throat.  He felt sick.

“I talked to Sirius.  He told me all about your, um condition, and I…”�

She never got to finish her sentence.  Remus jumped up from his seat, turning it over in the floor.  He upset the stack of books that were piled on the table in front of him, and fled the library, the narrowed eyes of Madame Pince following him.

 

“Damn you Sirius!  I can’t believe you talked to Katherine!”�

“Moony, I though you’d be happy.  You like her don’t you?”�

“You told her about my condition, all about it?  Have you lost your mind?”�

“All I said was that you had a chronic illness and that you aren’t contagious.”�

“But she said…”�

“I don’t care what she said Moony.  I know what I said, and I didn’t tell her you’re a werewolf.”�

Both had been speaking with raised voices, and neither noticed a horrified James standing in the doorway in front of a wide eyed Lily, until it was too late.

James turned to Lily.  “Not that he’s a werewolf Lily.  It’s a figure of speech you know,”� he said his voice not hiding the nervousness he felt.

Remus knew they would now have to tell Lily the truth about him.  She was too smart a witch for them to lie to.

“Remus, you’re a…  Are you really a… werewolf?”�

“We all need to come inside and shut the door, before this goes any further,”� Remus said in a quiet and firm tone.

Lily stepped cautiously over the threshold, she knew there was no going back.  James and Sirius held their breath, not knowing what would happen next.  Remus was surprisingly calm inside.  He knew that he could trust Lily with his secret, and that James and Sirius could tell her theirs as well.  Not that he was going to ask them to tell her about becoming Animagi, they could tell her if they wanted to.  After everyone had sat down, Remus began to speak.

“Lily, as you know I go quite often and very regularly to visit my ill mother, I have ever since I came to Hogwarts.  I don’t really have a sick mother.  I leave because I transform into a monster once a month.”�  At the last statement James and Sirius went to protest, but Remus raised his hand to quite them.  “I was six, almost seven when I received the bite.  I had been playing outside, my parents had just given me a small broomstick.  I had been flying for hours, and was walking towards our house when a werewolf came out of the woods, and attacked me.  I remember him lunging towards me, and I remember a searing pain.  I awoke in St. Mungo’s three days later.  I pity the one that bit me, he couldn’t control himself.  Lily, please don’t fear me, and don’t tell anyone what I just told you.”�

“Fear you, Remus you are the kindest and gentlest person I know.  I could never fear you.  I can only admire you for living with something like that, and not being bitter about it.”�

James and Sirius looked guiltily at one another, the same question was in the front of both of their minds.

“You both knew, figured it out no doubt,”� Lily said looking at James and Sirius.  James nodded.

“There’s more Lily,”� he said.  Without another word, Sirius transformed into a great shaggy black dog.  Lily stared, her mouth agape.  She broke her stare, and turned to James.  In the spot that he had stood, was a beautiful buck.  It was all black, except for the grey markings about its eyes.  She sat in shock, her hands clasped over her open mouth, as James and Sirius returned to their normal states.

“Remus can’t hurt us as animals, so we keep him company on the full moon.  He doesn’t hurt himself nearly as bad when we do.”�

“How,”� was all Lily could say.

“It was hard work, three solid years of studying and planning.  Finally, in fifth year we got it.  James and I were first.  We didn’t think Peter would ever manage to transform.”�

Lily didn’t know what to say. What they had done was as illegal as it was incredible.  It was as brave and loyal as it was dangerous and foolish. 

“Teach me.”�

The three Marauders were dumbfounded.  Remus was really not completely surprised, Lily was after all an extraordinary person.  Sirius was excited.  James had very mixed feelings.  He was proud of the way Lily had responded to it all, and that she wanted to become an Animagi as well.  On the other hand, he was afraid to teach her.  If something went wrong in her attempts to transform, he would have only himself to blame, and they might not be able to undo the effects.  If they were to get caught, she would be sent to Azkaban, and that would be more than he could bear.

“No Lily, it’s too dangerous,”� James said.  Her temper flared.

“If Peter Pettigrew can do it, I most certainly can too.”�  Then she reasoned, “It’ll be less dangerous for me than it was you and Sirius.  I’ll have you both to teach me, you’ve been doing it for two years.”�  She looked at James with big green doe eyes, and he gave in.  He knew that he couldn’t deny her this.  Lily was going to become an Animagus.


	9. Are you sure you want to do this?

**_Chapter 9- Are you sure you want to do this?_ **

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her.**

Remus was reading over his potions essay one last time.  He was finished early, which was no surprise.  Remus always finished work ahead of schedule.  It drove James and Sirius mad.

“Moony, can’t you just be normal and finish it at breakfast,”� Sirius had asked more than once.  

He had been working on it all evening, while Sirius and James went over the finer points of the Animagus transformation with Lily.  He looked up at them. Lily’s brows were knitted together in concentration.  She nodded at something James had said to her.  She was proving to be a quick study, as Sirius had pointed out.  Remus had known that she would be.  With James and Sirius’ help Lily would probably be ready to transform in a week or two.  Of course, she would be capable of it before then, but James wouldn’t allow it until he was sure that Lily knew what she was doing.  Remus returned his attention to his parchment.

__

_I smell the tart, but sweet smell of lemonade.  Homemade, on a hot summer’s day.  It was always my favorite drink as a child.  No one can make lemonade that compares to my mother’s.  It’s been three years since I drank it.  Three years since she’s been gone.  One day maybe I’ll find someone who makes lemonade like my mother did._

_Then, there is the calming scent of lavender.  It clears my head, and soothes my senses.  It beckons sleep, when rest, peace, and dreams evade me._

_I can smell a minty hint of toothpaste.  It makes me think of Katherine.  I loved Katherine, but I know that I can’t be with her.  Her kisses were always punctuated with the refreshing taste of mint toothpaste, something I’ll never forget._

_Lastly, I smell the warm rich scent of chocolate.  Chocolate is possibly my favorite thing in the world.  It has many healing properties, most being associated with happiness.  Muggles have even realized the magical properties of the seeds that come from the Cacao tree.  It can be utilized in many different forms, the most notable being the chocolate bar from Honeydukes._

 

‘Good as it’s going to get’, Remus thought to himself.

“James, just let me try it,”� Lily was pleading.

“No, you’re not ready.  You could get hurt very badly if the transformation goes wrong.”�

“Sirius, tell him I can do it, please.”�

“James, let her try.  Chances are she won’t be able to transform yet, and if anything goes wrong, it can’t be worse than Peter’s first tries.  We can sort her out.”�  Sirius didn’t know why he was taking Lily’s side over James’.

“Fine, upstairs with you,”� James gave in with a sigh.  Lily squealed in delight.  She flung her arms about James’ neck and kissed him on the cheek.  Remus followed his friends up the winding staircase.

 

Lily was standing in the middle of the boys’ dormitory, her heart pounding with a mixture of fear and excitement. 

“Are you sure you want to do this,”� James asked.  Lily nodded.  The boys stepped away from her. “Take your time, whenever you’re ready.”�

She closed her eyes, and began to take slow steady breaths to calm herself.  She felt her heartbeat slow to a normal pace.  She whispered the incantation that James and Sirius had taught her.  Suddenly, there was a sharp noise in her ears.  She felt quite odd.

James and Sirius had recognized what was happening, and both rushed forward to grab Lily.  Her spell had not been strong enough, so she had passed out instead of transforming.  Remus handed James a piece of chocolate for Lily.  She slowly opened her eyes.  James could see that she was very upset that she had failed.

“It was a good first try Lily,”� James said in a comforting tone.

“Really,”� she asked weakly. James nodded

“I think I know what your animagus form is already.”�

“What,”� Lily asked, trying hard to contain her excitement.

“A fainting goat,”� he said with a hearty laugh.  She gave him a look that would freeze a dragon’s breath.

“I’m trying again,”� she resolved.

James helped her to her feet, and the boys stepped clear from her once more.

Once again she closed her eyes, and whispered the incantation.  She felt her ribs and neck lengthening, her spine was shifting.  Then she felt her body revert to normal.  Sirius conjured a glass of water for her, which she gulped down.

“One more try,”� she said.

“No, you need to rest,”� James said firmly.

“Just once more, if I don’t get it, then I’ll call it quits until you say I’m ready.”�

This time Lily sat down on the floor.  She closed her eyes, and whispered the incantation so that it was no more than the exhalation of a deep breath.

 

“What’s that about the third time being a charm,”� Sirius said in a low tone.

The Marauders were stunned.  She had done it.  Where Lily had sat, a lithe doe was beginning to stand up.  Its shining fur was a warm reddish color.   James and Sirius saw that it was hard for her to stand.  They remembered learning to move in the body of an animal.  Lily would have to teach herself to react to the differences in balance and center of gravity.  She would need to train her muscles to move her joints in new directions.  Remus saw her beginning to fall, from both a lack of balance and weakness from her previous draining attempts at transforming.  He pointed his wand at the floor and performed a cushioning charm, as Sirius and James said the counter charm to return Lily   to her true form.

“I won’t try it again until you think I’m ready”�

“But Lily you…”� Sirius began.

“No, not until James thinks I’m ready.”�

“Lily, you’re ready, you just need to rest.  Tomorrow, we’ll try again,”� James said.  He was beaming at her.  She had exceeded all of their expectations.

“I just want to go to sleep now,”� Lily said very softly as she stood up.  James put his arm around Lily to steady her.

“Lily why don’t you lay down here and rest for a few minutes,”� he said.  She yawned and nodded her head as she leaned into James.  He picked her up and laid her on his bed, then covered her with a blanket.  She closed her eyes almost immediately and fell into a deep slumber.


	10. Should I?

_**Chapter 10- Should I?** _

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her.**  

The next afternoon during a free period, Lily was in a back corner of the library researching Animagi.  James saw her from across the room.  She was sitting amidst several dusty ancient tomes, her hair pulled back haphazardly.  He thought to himself that she looked exceptionally beautiful, perhaps because she was reading so intensely.  James had always liked to watch Lily as she studied for a test or read in some monstrous volume for a homework assignment. 

“Hello there,” he whispered softly in her ear.  It sent glorious chills through Lily.  She moved her head away from him slightly, and continued reading.  She had to concentrate, and James Potter could be such a distraction.  “What’s wrong,” he whispered, moving his mouth close to her ear once more.  She could feel his moist, hot breath on her neck.

“James, I am trying to read, and you’re being quite disruptive.”  He laughed at this.  James loved the fact that he could, after so many years, successfully derail Lily’s brain.  Something she had been doing to him since their first year at Hogwart’s.

“There are much better ways you could be spending your free period,” he murmured suggestively.

“Maybe next time you should show up before it’s over,” Lily replied.

James looked at his watch.  He now regretted the quick game of Exploding Snap he had played with Sirius.  He looked for Madame Pince, and found that the formidable librarian was occupied by a group of third years that were looking for a book.

“We have eight minutes before we have to leave for Potions.  Fancy a quick snog on the other side of the Restricted Section?”

Lily knew what she wanted to do, but to her dismay it conflicted with what she needed to do.  When she didn’t answer him, James sat down in the chair beside her.

“Well what are we reading then,” he asked dejectedly.

“I am reading about the Animagus transformation.  I’m going to get it right this time,” she said with an edge to her voice.  Then she shut the book, and carried it out of the library.  

Lily was quite angry with herself.  She was not used to failure.  She didn’t want to give James the chance to gloat either, after all he was right.  She hadn’t been ready to transform.  She just had to be so stubborn, and demand that she could do it.

James was furious with himself.  Why couldn’t he bring himself to tell Lily that she had transformed.  He always had to be right, that was his problem.  James didn’t want to admit he had been wrong.  Sirius and Remus had told him that if he didn’t tell Lily, they would.  He ran out of the library after her.

“Lily wait,” he called after her retreating figure, her bright red hair disappearing in the crowd of students going to their next lesson.  James took a shortcut to the dungeons.  Hopefully he would beat her to Potions.  He would tell her before class, that’s right.  Problem solved.  James looked inside the classroom, the only student inside was greasy haired Severus Snape.  James leaned coolly against the wall by the door.  Students filed in.  Sirius and Remus came down the corridor, the only people left other than Lily.

James walked in with them.  Lily’s seat beside Sirius was empty.  James was worried now.  Lily never skipped lessons.  Professor Slughorn called the class to order.  

“Please get out your essays.  Ms. Evans, if you would collect them… Where is Ms. Evans?”

“She wasn’t feeling well Professor,” James said quickly.

“Funny, I just saw her in the library,” Snape said.

“She has a horrible headache, sir.  Came on very suddenly,” James said through clenched teeth, glaring at Snape the entire time.

“Very well, Mr. Black if you will,” Professor Slughorn said, waving his hand.

“Professor, I could go get Lily’s essay, so it won’t be late,” James offered.

“Yes, yes Mr. Potter. Go ahead, but be quick about it.”

James walked calmly to the door, but once it shut behind him he flew to Gryffindor tower.  Lily wasn’t in the common room.  James went upstairs to retrieve the Marauder’s Map.  He looked frantically for a little dot with Lily’s name on it.  Finally he found her.  She was on the edge of the map, in a clearing in the Forbidden Forest.  James was etering the forest before he knew it.  He looked at the map again.  Lily’s dot hadn’t moved since he had found it.  When he reached the clearing, he slowed down to a walk.  Lily was sitting on the ground, her knees pulled up to her chest.  James stepped on a twig, it snapped crisply under his trainer.  Lily glanced over at him.  He was the last person she wanted to see right now.

“Lily, I have to say something.”

“Let me go first, I was wrong James.  I wasn’t ready to transform, you were right.”

“No, I was wrong.  You transformed last night.  You were just too weak to remember it.”

“I did, really?”  Her face was alight with happiness.  He nodded, beaming at her.  James realized that being wrong wasn’t so bad if Lily was smiling at him like that, not bad at all.

“What did I…  What am I,” she asked excitedly.

“See for yourself,” he said conjuring a large mirror in front of her.

“What if I can’t do it?”

“You can and you will.”

Lily braced herself, closing her eyes.  She felt her body molding itself into a different form, the sensation wonderfully unusual and slightly uncomfortable all at the same time.  She opened her eyes once her body stopped changing.  In the mirror a doe with large green eyes blinked back.  She tried to walk towards the looking glass, but couldn’t figure out how to move her legs.  Lily changed back.

“I can’t walk that way.  James you have to teach me.”

“Alright, but first I have to take your Potions essay back to Slughorn.  You have a horrible headache.  I’ll come right back.”  Lily handed him the essay.  He kissed her cheek, and headed back towards the castle.

As he walked through the main hall, he realized that he had in his hands the very paper he had wanted to get from Lily for the past two weeks.  Now came his moral dilemma.  Should he read it or should he not read it?  James knew he shouldn’t read the essay, it was personal and private.  He decided that the real question was whether he would read it or not.  He thought about what Sirius would do, and what Remus would do.  James knew he needed to hurry.  He didn’t have time to battle with his conscience.  He quickly preformed a duplicating charm.  As he entered the dungeon classroom he slipped one copy into the pocket of his robe, the other he took straight to the portly professor.

“How is Ms. Evans feeling?”

“Not well sir, not well at all.  I was wondering if I might go sit with her, in case she needs anything,” James said in a very grave voice.

“That ill is she?  Of course you may, Mr. Potter.  I can’t have my best pupil sick and alone, now can I?”

James grabbed his book bag, and left the room his course set for the forest.

That night James lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling.  He had been tying to go to sleep for what felt like hours.  He couldn’t lie on his back any longer, so he turned onto one side.  His pillow was too flat.  He fluffed it, but when he laid his head back down it was much too fluffy.  He sat back up, and punched his pillow.  Now he was comfortable.  James shut his eyes.  He let out a long deep yawn.

“Jamie, go to sleep already,” Sirius called from somewhere in the dark.

“Stuff it,” James replied irritably.  He was thinking about Lily’s essay.  Earlier he had sat alone, holding the tightly rolled paper trying to decide what to do.  He had been very close to unrolling it at some moments, and seconds later he would seriously consider setting fire to it with his wand.

“Grouchy git,” Sirius muttered just loud enough for James to hear.

“I’m not grouchy.  I just can’t sleep.  I’ve got a lot on my mind,” James snapped.

“Oh, so this is about Lily.”

“Of course it is.”

“Well, let’s hear it then.”

“I have her Potions essay.”

“What did you turn in, if you have it?”

“I duplicated it.  We were trying to find out how I could read it.  Well I had it right there in my hands, so I made a copy.”

“… and you read it and it wasn’t good?”

“I haven’t read it yet.”

“Why not,” Sirius was astounded.

“I don’t know if I should.  It could be really personal, what she wrote.”

“Well of course it’s personal.  It’s about what she smells in a love potion.”

“I don’t want to invade her privacy.”

“I don’t know what to tell you mate other than I would read it if I were you.  G’night.”

“Night,” James replied.  Sirius had been of little help to him.  He thought about the situation for a while longer before pulling his bed hangings closed.  He pulled the parchment from underneath his mattress.  He lit his wand, and unrolled the paper in his hand.

_Author’s Note:  Thanks for reading, reviewing, or what not.  I’m sorry this chapter was short.  I want you to wait to read Lily’s essay (or maybe you won’t get to read it.  That would be horribly cruel of me wouldn’t it?)._


	11. Did I tell you?

**_Chapter 11- Did I tell you?_ **

**_Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her._ **

_Lily Evans_

_Essay Concerning the Amortentia potion_

_Seventh Year Advanced Potions_

_Prof. Slughorn_

_I hold the cotton ball up to my nose, and inhale deeply.  Scents awaken triggers in my brain.  There is the smell of ink, fresh new ink.  I can picture the wet sheen of the ink as it glistens on paper.  To write is my escape.  It is my outlet from emotions that, if left uncontrolled overtake one’s being.  There is also the smell of gas lanterns, lanterns that can be found throughout Hogwart’s.  Hogwart’s is home to me, as much as any other place on earth.  I find peace in its hallowed halls and rooms.  It is here that I have found myself, the real Lily Evans.  I can now understand the little girl to whom odd things always seemed to happen.   I have learned about who I am, and who I hope to become.  Hogwart’s will always be in my heart and I shall never truly leave it._

_The other scents have the same root.  I look up, and I see the common thread that unites the remaining smells.  It is none other than James Potter.  I can taste the sweet Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum that he always chews, because the smell is so strong. Faint blue bubbles could be used to track his path, if one wanted to do so.  I smell the freshly cut grass of the Quidditch pitch, and the hot chocolate I always hold in my hands when I watch a match.  I see him flying high in the air, zooming towards the goal posts.  The wind whips through his already tousled inky black hair, he is smiling.  His eyes are set, determined as he flies to make another goal.  He flies like he was born in the air.  His broom seems to anticipate his movements.  I smell the butterbeer that was on his breath the first time I kissed him.  I smell the sticky maple syrup that he drowns his pancakes in each morning, and the vanilla bean cheesecake that he sneaks from the kitchens some nights.  As I finish this essay, James is walking across the common room towards me.  I know when he reaches me I will not be able to tell the smell of the potion apart from James himself, but isn’t that as it should be?  After all, I smell nothing now that I wouldn’t have smelled years ago._

James didn’t know what to think.  So Lily really had fancied him for years?  He had entertained the thought, but to read it written by her own hand made it so much more real.  He felt like a sneak and a rat for reading it without her permission, but his heart soared none the less.  He didn’t want her to know what he had done, but he knew that he would have to tell her, lest his conscience eat him alive.  He hoped Lily would forgive him.  He knew that if his confession were verbal she would become very upset.  Violent, crying, hexing mad.  Lily had to have time alone to process things, so he began the task of writing a long letter, sincerely asking for forgiveness and explaining his actions.

Alone in his office, Horace Slughorn read over the papers turned in by his seventh year Advanced Potions class.  He came to a paper that was written in a tall slanted handwriting.  There was no doubt that the paper belonged to Sirius Black. ‘This should be interesting,’ Slughorn thought to himself.

_What Sirius Black Loves_

_Or_

_An Essay Regarding the Amortentia Potion_

_I love a hell of a lot of things.  I love food.  I live for breakfast until half nine in the morning.  I live for lunch until two, and for dinner until seven.  I love a good challenge.  I thrill in the chase, be it the chase of a beautiful woman or some other game.  I thrive on playing chess against Remus or Snap with James.  I even love watching someone else embark on what promises to be a challenging endeavor.  Take Jamie chasing Lily for the past six years.  I have eagerly watched him pursue her, and I have never once seen him waver.  Thinking about Lily reminds me of something else I love.  I love women.  No certain woman in particular, just women.  They are the most amazing creatures on earth.  Their skin is so smooth and soft.  They always look and smell heavenly.  Women are so delicate, but they’re amazingly strong at the same time, amazing.  I love my family.  Not my blood family, my real family the Potters and Remus.  They’re what family should be.  They would never turn against me, and blast my name from the family tree.  They don’t care if you’re a muggleborn, a pureblood or even half and half.  It’s what’s truly on the inside that matters to them.  The other thing I really love is my bike.  I have always enjoyed flying.  I could fly a broom almost as soon as I could walk.  Brooms are great, but my motorcycle is unbeatable.  She’s my baby, my pride, my joy.  When I take off on my bike, I just get lost in this joyous peaceful state.  It’s a rush of excitement, but when I’m up in the air and all I hear is the rumble of the engine and the wind whipping around me it’s as if nothing else exists.  I can sit and look at my bike or polish it for hours, hours I tell you._

_Well Professor, I was supposed to just tell you what I could smell in the potion, so here it is at the end.  I smell the clean smell of laundry from Jamie’s mums.  It’s the smell of family and home.  I smell the perfume that literally every girl in Hogwarts wears, every girl except Lily that is.  I did say I love women didn’t I?  I smell butterbeer.  After all what’s better than a drink with friends or at a party or to relax?  I smell burned rubber.  Some say it stinks, but I say that my bike is sexy when she’s roasting her tires._

**Author’s Note:  Thanks, as always.  There’s only one chapter left.  Until next time, _T_**


	12. Can you ever forgive me?

**_Chapter 12- Can you ever forgive me?_ **

**_Disclaimer:  Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her._ **

Lily noticed that James was not at dinner.  In fact, he had been acting odd all day.  Even odder was the owl that was winging its way into the Great Hall, no one got mail at the evening meal.  To her surprise the owl landed right in front of her, its vast wings upsetting her goblet of juice.  Lily recognized James’ owl, and from his beak she took a sealed envelope.  She somehow felt that she should retire to a more private place to read the letter.  After all if James couldn’t say whatever it was in person it must be quite important, and either very good or very bad.  Lily, who’s glass was always half full, felt that this was a bad letter.  Maybe it was the way Sirius and Remus had begun whispering when the owl had arrived, or the pitying look Peter had given her when she rose from the table.  She went to the only place that no one else could be, well no one except James.   She went to the office shared by the Head students, which was located on the fourth floor.

Lily sat on the tan sofa in the room, and cautiously opened the parchment.  She heard James’ voice, and looked up.  He was nowhere to be seen.  She realized that he had bewitched the letter to speak.  She tapped the page with her wand, and it began again.

“Lily, please just listen to what I’m about to say.  Then if you want to yell and scream, you’ll have every right.  If you’ve opened this in the Great Hall, roll it up and go some where else.  I’m sure you left the hall straight away though.  I did something really bad, and I feel sorry for it.  I am probably not as sorry as I should be, but sorry none the less.  I made a copy of your Potion’s essay, and I read it.  I feel pretty horrible, and I know you’re fuming now.  I deserve what ever curses you’re thinking of.  I’m glad I read it though.  I’m glad, because now I know how you really feel about me.  I know that you love me.  I know that you’ve cared about me for ages now.  I know you could have told me all the things you wrote, but to read what you wrote knowing it was for someone else to see made it so much different.  I hope you forgive me Lily.  If you hate me because of what I did, I’d be miserable but I’ll understand.   I will also never stop trying to win you back, because I know that you really love me.  I’ve given you a copy of my essay.  You can read it if you want.  After all, fair is fair.”

“You will forgive him, won’t you,” the painting of Miriam Gauble, the first head girl, asked.

“Of course I will,” Lily answered in an exasperated tone.

“And you’ll read the paper?”

“Of course I will.”  With that, Lily pulled the remaining pages out of the envelope.

_James Potter_

_Potions Essay_

_Amortentia_

_I smell two things, that’s it just two, Quidditch and Lily Evans.  Sirius says they aren’t smells.  I on the other hand disagree.  They are not singular smells.  Each is an intense mixture of scents that bring forth either Lily or Quidditch to my mind.  Quidditch is my first love.  I smell the thin cool air from high up on a broom.  I smell the waxy scent of broomstick polish.  Then there are the scents of the iron Bludgers and the worn leather of the Quaffle.  Lily is my true love.  She smells like peppermint candy.  It reminds me of Christmas, because the scent of candy canes linger when she’s near.  When Lily walks through the corridors, she is trailed by the smell of juicy peaches.  The first kiss I ever shared with her tasted like warm frothy butterbeer, so part of me will always join the two together.  My second kiss was laced with the taste of grass flavored Bertie Bott’s.  Strangely enough, the smell of grass was added to the other scents of Amortentia after that kiss.  That’s all there is in my Amortentia, Lily and Quidditch.  As long as I can have them I’ll be happy. Although, I’m quite sure could give up Quidditch._

Lily folded James’ essay up and slid it back into the envelope.

In the seventh year boys dormitory James paced the wooden floor.  Sirius was trying to get James to play a game of Exploding Snap to take his mind off of Lily.

“Prongs, sit down.  You’re going to wear a hole in the floor at the rate you’re going,” Sirius said in a frustrated tone.  James showed no acknowledgment that Sirius had even spoken.

“Moony, will you please help me out here,”   Sirius pleaded.

“James, you are solving nothing by walking incessantly.  What you need to do is act like a man and go find Lily.  So what if she hexes you?  You said yourself that you deserve it.  You need to talk to each other and sort things out,” Remus said from behind his book.  James stopped walking.  It was as if a light had switched on in his head.

“Yes, be a man, find Lily,” he muttered as he walked out the door.

Sirius turned to Remus. “Sort things out?  Go talk to her?  Be a man?  Who are you to give that advice?  Take a dose of your own medicine, Moony.”  Remus shut his book, mixture of anger and disbelief was in his eyes.  Sirius continued.  “You heard me.  Don’t act as if you haven’t been walking around in a mope, you and Katherine both.  If you cared anything at all for her you’d go sort things out as well.”

“He is right you know,” Peter chimed in.

“Now that’s different and you know it,” Remus said loudly.

“I don’t see it as a bit different.  You’re just scared, and here I thought people were sorted into Gryffindor for being brave.  The hat should have put you somewhere else, it must have been a mistake placing you in Gryffindor,” Sirius said coldly.  He had to steel himself against the hurt look on Remus’ face.

“Surely, you don’t mean that,” Remus whispered.

“Surely I do.”  Remus looked as if Sirius had slapped him.  It would have hurt both boys less if he had.  That was the cruelest thing Sirius had ever said to Remus.  Sirius silently prayed that Remus would forgive him.  The three sat in an uncomfortable silence for several minutes before Remus stood.

“It wasn’t a mistake Padfoot,” and with that Remus walked pitifully from the room.

“I hope he’s going to talk to Katherine,” Peter said in a small voice.

“Me too mate, me too.”  

Sirius watched the Marauder’s map.  He followed two dots.  The one marked Remus Lupin traveled to the library, it stopped next to a dot with the label Katherine Tarbeck.  The other dot, James’, was paused in front of the Head’s office.

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James’ hand hovered over the doorknob for several seconds.

“Well, are you going to go in there or not,” asked the painting of a cranky old wizard.

“What’s it to you,” James snapped back at the portrait.  He hastily opened the door, and stepped across the threshold.

Lily was still sitting on the small couch when he walked in.  She had been talking to the painting of Miriam Gauble.  Lily’s head snapped towards the door when she heard the click of the door closing.  James looked surprised to see her face. ‘As if he didn’t know you were in here,’ she thought.

“I think I’ll go visit another painting, Lily dear,” Miriam said in a motherly tone.  James smiled at the painting and nodded in way of thanks.

“Lily, I’m really sorry.  I was bang out of line, and you’ve every right to be mad.”

“Yes, James you’ve said that already.”  There was a coldness to Lily’s voice.

“So, do you think we can ever be friends again?  I know there’s no chance of anything more, but I still want to be your friend.  That is if you’ll let me.”

“And here I thought you’d read my Potion’s essay.  Silly me,” Lily said in a mocking tone.

“Go ahead, hex me,” James took a deep breath preparing for the worst.  He closed his eyes, no use in watching her do it after all.  He hoped he wouldn’t have to go to the Hospital wing afterwards.

“James, if you had read my essay like you said you did, and if you knew that I love you like you said you did, then you would know that I already forgave you.  I love you, and that means I forgive you when you screw up.  Forgiving is a part of what love is.”

“So you’re not mad?”

“Oh I’m mad.  I never said anything about not being mad,” Lily said, a smile playing upon her lips.

“I’ll settle for forgiveness today,” James replied crossing the room to where Lily sat.  He dropped to his knees in front of her and gathered her into a hug.

“I was so scared,” he said. “Terrified that you’d despise me, never want to see me or speak to me again.  I thought I’d have lost you for sure.”

Lily kissed the top of his head. She knew he would never lose her, not even if he tried.

**_Author’s Note:  Well there it is (or there it was) the final chapter in all it’s glory.  This took much longer to post than I meant for it to.  I have been very sick.  I had to go to the ER last week.  On top of that I had to get a new power corn for my computer.  I’m very sorry to have kept you all waiting.  I would like to thank you for reading and reviewing, but mostly for sticking with me as I wrote this.  The title for this chapter, as well as for most if not all the others, refers to more than one person. Yes, it’s James asking for Lily’s forgiveness, but it’s also Remus to Katherine, and Sirius to Remus.  I know that nothing definite was written regarding Remus and Katherine.  I didn’t mean for there to be.  So many of you wanted them to get back together, and maybe they did.  You can decide that for yourself, I know I have.  I know everything that happens from here on out, but that’s not what this story is about, this is just a small point in their lives.  I didn’t write more on Remus and Katherine because this was a fic about Lily and James.  Please don’t be mad at me for Sirius’ remarks to Remus.  Sirius was nudging Remus in the right direction, in my world Remus realizes that’s all Sirius was doing.  He meant nothing he said, nothing hurtful at least.  I have been asked if there will be a sequel, for now the answer is no.  I have too many other things in my head begging to be written.  I hope you’ll continue reading whatever I write.  Special thanks go to Liz (you started this), and CCJ (You’re a great writer, and that pushed me to write more). Thanks to those of you who reviewed, especially those faithful reviewers who I heard from time and again, it meant more than I can say.  For anyone else that is reading this: Much love to you who ever you are and where ever you are.  Until next time! ~Tynwfiel_**


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